


Soothing Nonetheless

by KimliPan



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Arthur is an idiot, Camelot Drabble Holiday Exchange Fest, Canon Era, Love Confessions, M/M, One Shot, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:42:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21977530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KimliPan/pseuds/KimliPan
Summary: Arthur is about to confess his feelings for Merlin when they're interrupted. He continues to screw up, making Merlin angrier and angrier with him... When Gwaine gets involved, however, things finally come together.Or: Five times Arthur tried to confess his feelings, and one time he succeeded – and somehow, acquired a Gwaine as well.
Relationships: Gwaine/Merlin (Merlin), Gwaine/Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 13
Kudos: 367
Collections: Camelot Drabble -- Holiday Exchange Fest 2019





	Soothing Nonetheless

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Impala_Chick](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Impala_Chick/gifts).



> **Prompt:** _And words, little words,  
>  words too small for any hope or promise, not really soothing  
> but soothing nonetheless._ \- Richard Siken
> 
> I was thrilled to death to get a poetry prompt! I also included confessions, friends with benefits, and political drama (sorta) getting in the way of things. I hope you like it, I had a lot of fun planning and writing it! This is my very first time writing a poly ship and I honestly had a blast. Thank you for providing me with such good choices with prompts and ships, and thank you to the mods for hosting, I'm so glad I participated!

**1.**

The first time Arthur tried to brave his feelings and admit his affections for Merlin, the moment _seemed_ right.

It was just the two of them alone in his chambers, Arthur at his desk while Merlin moving about his room prattling on about something Gwaine said or did at the pub the other night, and something about it was so comforting, so _domestic._ So, when Arthur rose to his feet, his heart and body decided _now is the time_.

He reached out and rested his palm against Merlin’s cheek. Merlin froze stock still, the armful of linens in front of him shifting to his side, and he stared at Arthur, lips parted in surprise, maybe confusion.

Arthur’s heart began to pound with sudden doubt. Had he misinterpreted? Did Merlin not feel the same? Was Arthur an idiot for screwing things up? He hesitated for a moment, just one – but it was a moment too long, and then the moment was gone.

“Sire.”

The door opened. Leon stopped short of entering when Arthur threw himself from Merlin, his face surely reading plainly of guilt and shame. “You’re needed in the throne room.” He hesitated, then added, “Sorry for the interruption,” before closing the door once more.

Arthur glanced back at Merin, all of his confidence from their previous moment shaken. Merlin looked wide-eyed and breathless, and Arthur could still feel the warmth of Merlin’s cheek lingering in his palm. He longed to return and touch him a second time, to feel his surprisingly soft skin, and have him lean into his touch once more.

He looked down at his open hand, and was about to say _damn the throne room_ when the door opened a second time, just a crack wide enough for Leon to say, “It’s urgent, Sire,” before closing it once more.

Arthur should have said something then, but he didn’t. Something, anything encouraging, _We’ll continue this later,_ or, _wait here, I’ll be back,_ but instead he left without a word, leaving their moment hanging in the air.

By the time he returned, his fire was settled and his bed was turned down, but Merlin was already gone.

**2.**

Arthur had an idea, a romantic gesture: A candle in his window. He’d seen it before, knights with a flickering light on their windowsill for their lover to see – an invitation, _come now_. He’d make it an invitation for Merlin, and they would be able to talk. Arthur could tell him. Explain himself, and see how Merlin felt…

Arthur spent much of the day in meetings, and Merlin seemed too busy elsewhere to be available to Arthur, but he wanted to make sure Merlin would know what the candle meant. Without giving away any additional information, he asked Leon to deliver a message: _Come when you see the candle_. Leon gave a knowing smile that made Arthur blush, but agreed to the task with an easy “of course, sire” and no follow-up questions.

The sun was setting now, and Arthur managed to shake his duties, but not his nerves. His move on Merlin last night had been unmistakably _interested_ – so what if the candle sent the wrong message? What if he thought Arthur was trying to take advantage of him – or what if Merlin didn’t come?

He looked down at the courtyard covered with a dusting of snow and saw Merlin walking side-by-side with Gwaine. Now was the time. Arthur lit the candle and placed it in the window and waited until he saw Merlin glance up. He smiled to himself, but then remembered what an invitation meant. He remembered hat he was setting out to do, and he looked down at what he wore. Should he change? Do something to prepare? Request dinner for two? Or was that all getting ahead of himself? Maybe he could go over what he planned to say first.

He was in the middle of shoving his dirty things behind a dresser to clear some of the clutter when there was a knock on the door, and he thought, _That was fast._

A little unsure it was Merlin that quickly, he stood upright and approached the center of the room. “Enter,” said Arthur.

“Your Majesty?” A younger servant was at his door, bowing deeply when Arthur took him in.

“What is it?”

“You’re attention is needed, Sire.”

Arthur groaned and rolled his head back. “Let me guess. Throne room?” he asked irritably. When the servant shifted uncomfortably, he sighed. “And it’s urgent.”

“Sire.” The servant nodded.

“Alright. This better be quick,” he said, following him out of his chambers. He would resolve the matter and come back here to Merlin as quickly as he could. Tonight would be the night, there was no way around it. Tonight, he would finally reveal his affections.

Despite Arthur’s firm resolve, however, more and more complicated issues were brought to him that _needed his attention_. Trivial matters, all of which would have waited til the next day had he not already before the court.

At long last, he was able to leave – but by then the sun had long since set and many of the castle’s inhabitants were already retired. Returning to his room with a sense of both excitement and dread, Arthur found his quarters to be completely empty – with no fire, and his blankets un-turned. Merlin was angry with him. He frowned, seating himself on his bed. Right. So that didn’t go according to plan, not precisely. He would have to try something else instead, perhaps tomorrow.

**3.**

When Merlin woke Arthur the following morning, it was a very curt affair. He slammed Arthur’s breakfast on the table, yanked his curtains open, jerked the blanket from Arthur’s body, and left before Arthur was even awake enough to stumble through saying Merlin’s name.

Right. So that said a thing or two for how Merlin felt about being stood up after Arthur lit the candle. Irritating as it was – it wasn’t even Arthur’s _fault!_ – he couldn’t really blame Merlin for feeling as he did.

So. Right, then. Arthur dragged himself upright, kicking his legs over the edge of the bed. There was something he could do to make up for it – he just didn’t know what. First, he would have to find his clothes and get dressed.

He continued thinking about it as he went about his day. What kind of gesture could he make that would encourage Merlin to soften toward him? Another invitation didn’t seem appropriate. Perhaps something a little less dependent on Arthur’s time.

A gift, then? Jewelry? No, not right. Flowers. Girls liked flowers, and Merlin was sometimes a bit _girl_ ish. And he’d worn that one flower in his neckerchief that once. So, flowers! With new resolve, he decided to approach one of his most loyal knights. Gwaine, perhaps? He was in good favor with Merlin, always knew where he was and what to say.

“Leon,” Arthur said aloud once he laid eyes on him. Leon happened to be the most _tactful_ of his knights, Arthur realized – and he was already, incidentally, somewhat in the loop as it were, so he shouldn’t be _too_ surprised by the request.

Leon gave a small wave to the other knights and approached Arthur.

“Sire.” He gave him a bit of a small smile and leaned in. “I hope everything went well with the, erm… _candles_ , my Lord,” he said conspiratorially, which made Arthur give a weak smile.

“Actually… that’s what I wanted to talk to you about,” he said, glancing around to make sure no one was close enough to listen in. “By the time Merlin… _arrived_ ,” it felt awkward talking about it when he hadn’t actually even confessed it yet, “I was pulled away by duties.”

Leon’s conspiratorial smile faded. “I’m sorry, Sire, I shouldn’t have—”

“Please.” Arthur waved a dismissive hand. “I have a favor to ask you.”

“Of course.”

“Can you see to it that he receives a token?” Then, “Flowers, specifically.”

“Flowers, Sire.”

“Yes, flowers. And include a note.” He paused to think. “Do you know any poetry, Leon?”

“Poetry.” That conspiratorial smile was back, and he raised his brows with surprised interest. Arthur felt his cheeks flush, and he looked around again to make sure no one could hear them. “I do, Sire.”

“Can you…” He felt helplessly lost. “Pick a poem?”

“Of course, Sire.” Leon tapped the side of his nose in an _I’m on it_ before rejoining his fellow knights.

There. With matters in Leon’s hands, he could rest easy.

So why, then, did Merlin continue to avoid Arthur after the flowers were delivered? Why did he stomp away each time Arthur tried to catch his eye, and grumble under his breath as he poured his wine at dinner? And why, once more, did he not perform his nightly duties in Arthur’s chambers?

“Leon,” said Arthur the following morning after having been readied for the day by George. “What poem did you include with the flowers?”

Leon smiled warmly and recited:

 _“And words, little words,_  
words too small for any hope or promise, not really soothing  
but soothing nonetheless.”

“ _Too small_ for any hope?” Arthur repeated aloud, running both of his hands through his hair in agony. “ _Not really soothing_?”

Leon paused, watching Arthur as he covered his face with his hands and groaned. He let out a small “oh” as he realized his mistake.

“He thinks I’m _breaking up_ with him.”

**4.**

George performed Merlin’s morning duties for a second time at the following sunrise.

He spent the next few hours completely unable to focus on any tasks at hand. It wasn’t until he saw Gwaine that he decided to do something about it, reaching out to grab the dark-haired knight’s arm as he walked past. Maybe he should go to him after all.

“Arthur,” he said, looking him in the eye with a raised brow. “Something I can help you with?”

“Can you tell Merlin I’d like to speak with him?”

“Tell him yourself,” said Gwaine.

“I can’t,” said Arthur. “He won’t so much as look at me. But he listens to you.”

At that, Gwaine’s other brow went up. “Alright,” he said, looking ahead. “I’m off to see him now. I’ll let him know.” He took a step away from Arthur, and Arthur released his arm.

“Thank you, Gwaine,” he said, and the knight was off.

He spent the whole rest of the day wondering what Merlin thought of that poem. Words too little? _Soothing nonetheless_ , that was how it ended – so maybe he _didn’t_ think badly?

He got his answer when it was Gwaine who entered his chambers at dinner.

“Merlin won’t see you, mate,” he said sympathetically, stepping on in and taking a seat at his table. He picked a grape off his plate. “Mind if I ask what’s got him so riled up?”

Arthur frowned, pushing the rest of his plate toward Gwaine. He didn’t have much of an appetite anyway, and having Gwaine pick off his leftovers made no difference to him.

“He thinks we’re in a spat,” he said, resting his head on his fist, leaning against the arm of his chair.

“Only thinks it, huh?”

“Well, I—” He hesitated to explain himself.

“Hold on.” Gwaine popped another grape in his mouth and sat back, looking Arthur level in the eyes. Arthur sat up on instinct, waiting for Gwaine to continue. “If this is going where I think it’s going, I do need to warn you that Merlin and I _have_ been intimate.”

Arthur felt his whole face and neck and shoulders and back redden, and he looked away, pulling his plate back onto his side of the table. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“So that shitty poem wasn’t from you, then?”

Arthur groaned, covering his face in his hands. “This is a mess,” he admitted. “Then are you and he…?” Arthur didn’t want to use the word.

Gwaine shook his head. “Nothing formal. Just from time to time.” He shrugged, then pulled the plate back toward himself and began eating from it again. “Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be jealous if you two were to begin _courting_ or some other nonsense. Been trying for ages now, he’s too devoted to his duties.” He rested his head back. “Just making sure you’re aware.”

“Can you talk to him for me?”

Gwaine sighed.

“The poem was a mistake. He must think… I didn’t mean what it sounds like.”

“You’re asking too much.” Gwaine was unsmiling now, an expression he only wore when watching Merlin walk away; Arthur had seen it before, and now it made sense.

He gave Gwaine a sympathetic smile after imagining how he would feel if Merlin allowed a flirtation to go on without formalizing their bond; was this a fate Arthur faced as well?

“I know,” he said. “Forget I asked. And take that with you.”

Gwaine left with the plate of food.

**5.**

Merlin was the one who entered Arthur’s chambers the following morning. He didn’t slam breakfast on the table, and he opened the curtains without too much attitude, but this time he didn’t even approach Arthur’s comforter or make any effort to wake him. By the time Arthur was upright, Merlin already laid his clothes out for the day left without a word.

Well. That was a step forward, Arthur thought. Any improvement was better than no improvement. _Had_ Gwaine put in a good word, or was Merlin coming around on his own? Maybe today they could reach a resolution, he hoped. Dressing himself in the clothing Merlin laid out for him, he began his day – only to be greeted _again_ with his presence needed in the throne room, urgently, for what was most likely some trivial case that didn’t actually need his judgment.

Even while addressing the squabbling nobles before him, Arthur couldn’t get Gwaine from his mind. He kept thinking of him and Merlin, and of whatever intimacy they shared between them. He could not quite figure out why he wasn’t jealous.

He was actually able to force himself focus through the remainder of his meetings – up until the round-table counsel, where Leon and Gwaine were both sitting within his direct eyeline. Leon’s expressions were sympathetic, and Gwaine’s… unreadable. Arthur tried his best to focus his counsel, but every time he lost track of what someone else was saying, he realized he was staring at Gwaine trying to figure out, _What are you thinking?_

Well… What _was_ he thinking? He _must have_ put in a good word with Merlin, or else he wouldn’t have come back to his morning routine. But then – Gwaine had something about Merlin being _too devoted_ to his duties. Did he mean his duties as a servant, or his duties to Arthur? Or was it a euphemism? Was it Gwaine who was jealous, while Merlin was devoted to Arthur without knowing whether or not his own feelings were returned?

No. He was getting ahead of himself. Making himself hopeful.

He looked around to see if Merlin was present to serve their wine. He was not. Then his eyes fell back on Gwaine, who was smiling and listening to whoever was speaking.

Percival. Percival was speaking. He something that made Gwaine laugh and offer a loud “aye” in response. Arthur watched the way his expressions changed depending on who spoke next, the way his smile or his sneer made it plain who he cared for and who he didn’t.

Knowing he’d been _intimate_ with Merlin was… not as hard to comprehend as he might have thought. Merlin and Gwaine had always been close, and they both shared a similar disregard for status. Neither of them were ever affected by class differences and in fact humbled Arthur in a way that no one else could.

It was only natural for the two of them to develop an affection for one another, and for Arthur in turn to…

Ah. Oh.

Oh.

_Oh._

_Now_ he understood. Arthur had an affection for Gwaine which had been bubbling without his notice. He looked down at the table, then up at Joffrey who was now addressing Leon.

 _Focus, Arthur_ , he said to himself, and he managed to keep his mind on the matters at hand right up until everyone was dismissed.

Leon stayed behind, lingering near Arthur as if waiting to be acknowledged.

“Is there anything I can do to help, Sire?” he whispered once they were mostly alone – Gwaine hadn’t left yet, _he_ was lingering at the door. “I feel awful for the mess I made.”

“It’s not your fault, Leon,” said Arthur, looking away the moment Gwaine caught his gaze. “Thank you, though.” He gave Leon a pat on the shoulder. “I need to speak with Gwaine alone for moment, if you don’t mind.”

“Of course, Sire.”

Once they were alone, Gwaine wandered over, his eyes saying plenty without having to speak. He regarded Arthur with curiosity and interest.

“I find myself unable to stop thinking about you and… About what you told me.”

“Can’t help you there,” Gwaine said. “As long as Merlin hasn’t made his choice, I’m still in the running.”

“That’s the thing,” said Arthur. “I don’t want to… _take you out of the running_. Exactly.”

Gwaine raised a brow.

“Then you concede?” he asked, crossing his arms.

“No, not that either…” He wasn’t quite sure how to articulate what he was trying to say to be honest, and he wished Gwaine would just _follow_ without having to explain it.

“There is only one other meaning I can think of, Princess, and it’s the furthest thing I would ever expect to come from you.”

“Is that a possibility, do you think?” Arthur asked, a little embarrassed by his lack of experience. “If I want Merlin, it seems to me that you come as a part of the package, whether or not I want it – and as it turns out… I suppose I don’t mind.”

“Huh.” Gwaine was impossibly smug, which made Arthur roll his eyes. “I don’t know. But to be clear, we’re talking titles, right? Commitment? Rings, even.”

Arthur couldn’t believe he was even having this conversation. Even so, he imagined reaching out and touching Gwaine the same way he had touched Merlin’s cheek – and he imagined smugness instead of surprise. A rougher texture, and more confidence.

A knock on the door. Merlin entered.

The two of them stood there like deer in headlights for a moment, Merlin looking between them like a mother trying to figure out what her children had done wrong.

“Leon said I’d find you here,” he said quietly, hovering at the threshold. 

“Merlin, yes, please, come in!” said Arthur quickly, waiving him in. Right. The counsel chamber. Not the ideal place for confession of feelings, but also not the worst place.

The moment didn’t last.

“Merlin, there you are,” said Gaius, coming up behind him. “You’re late.” Merlin sighed, gave Arthur a withered look, and turned to follow Gaius out.

“A real charmer, Princess.”

“Help me,” Arthur pleaded, looking Gwaine in the eyes.

**6.**

Gwaine had a much better idea of what Merlin liked than Arthur. He was much more courageous, more willing to look like a fool. Arthur struggled to accept any of Gwaine’s ideas for romantic gestures, really, but he was willing to compromise.

An outing. One of the overlooks in the countryside had a beautiful view of the valley south of Camelot, it wasn’t too cold out for a ride, _and_ it had just snowed – the landscape would be beautiful and white, and they could enjoy some cheese and wine and fruit together. Half of it was Gwaine’s idea, but mostly Arthur grounding it in reality.

Merlin was surprisingly amiable to Arthur’s invitation. It was only the two of them and their horses, and he prattled on about nothing in particular as they rode out as if nothing unusual had happened at all over the past couple of days.

Merlin continued on with his complaints about other servants and how the knights and Arthur treated him even as Arthur stopped his horse, at last at the top of the overlook.

“Let’s stop here,” he said, finding it harder and harder to hold his tongue and let Merlin prattle on and on, wondering if he would ever shut up so that _he_ could speak.

“What for?” Merlin asked, even as Arthur pulled down the heavy wool blankets that were rolled up and tied to his horse.

“So we can enjoy the moment?” Arthur asked. “Just shut up and help me lay this out,” he said once the blankets curled in on themselves, dropping snow into the center of their seating area.

“You’re awfully cranky,” said Merlin, hopping off the horse.

Merlin was right (though Arthur wouldn’t say it out loud) – if he wanted to try and _romance_ Merlin, snapping at him was not the way. “I’m sorry, Merlin,” he said.

“Don’t hurt yourself or anything,” said Merlin irritably.

 _Why do I like him again?_ Arthur wondered as he struggled to untie the basket from his horse. Merlin stood there and watched, even as he placed it on the ground and stood over the blanket, just waiting for Merlin to join him.

“Merlin. Have a seat.”

“Won’t the snow just soak through the blanket?”

“Don’t be such a _girl_ ,” Arthur snapped.

“Oh, romantic. Is this how you want to woo me?”

“Who says I’m trying to _woo_ you?”

“You’re not, then? So the flowers were really from Leon. I knew it. He has been sweet on me lately.”

“Sweet on you? What’s that supposed to mean?”

Merlin shrugged, then took a seat on the blanket. They sat in silence a moment, stewing in the absurdity of their argument before Arthur realized Merlin was just _teasing_ him. He gave a smile to himself, and he saw Merlin watching him out of the corner of his eye, also smiling.

“You really are absurd.”

“And you’re a prat.”

“I like you, Merlin.” He paused. “A lot. May even…” Merlin’s smile softened as he turned to face Arthur. “I may even love you.” It felt less foolish to say than he thought he would; his own mood began to soften, and he afforded Merlin a warm smile.

When Merlin didn’t say anything, Arthur went on,

“The last few days have been a disaster. I screwed up. But I hope you’ll still give me a chance.” Merlin laughed, causing insecurity to tug at Arthur’s lips. “What?”

“It is my destiny to be by your side,” he said, reaching out to rest a hand on top of Arthur’s.

“So… is that a yes?”

Merlin shifted on the blanket and laid on his back, resting his head in Arthur’s lap. Then he took Arthur’s hand and held it over his chest. “Yes, Arthur. You are the only one.”

Shit. Only one. Well. “Actually, there’s another thing I wanted to bring up…”

“Oh?”

“Yes, you see… I was talking with Gwaine, and I learned of your… relationships. Previous relations. And I got to thinking and—”

“Are you jealous?” Merlin asked, still holding onto Arthur’s hand. “Arthur Pendragon. After all of the women I have helped you court –”

“No, I—”

“Woo and swoon over—”

“Merlin, listen to me—”

“And this is how you repay—”

“Shut _up_ , Merlin!”

Merlin sat back up, still holding Arthur’s hand as it lowered into his lap. Arthur narrowed his eyes when Merlin’s expression didn’t read indignant or angry or irritated. Was he teasing again, or…?

“Gwaine already told me everything,” he admitted, laughing as he said it.

Arthur cursed himself for not assuming as much; he had never directly asked him not to tell Merlin. He should have known better than to assume he wouldn’t.

“He always tells me everything.”

“Ah,” said Arthur, feeling a bit foolish.

A moment passed, and Arthur didn’t know what to say or do or how to move forward in this conversation.

“My answer is still yes, Arthur,” said Merlin, squeezing his hand. “It’s… it’s a happy ending, I never even dreamed I wouldn’t have to choose, I…” He kissed Arthur’s hand, which Arthur opened to hold against Merlin’s cold cheek, pink from the cold. “Yes,” he said. “I also love you. Both of you.”

Arthur laughed with relief. “Good,” he said, leaning in to kiss Merlin on the lips. Then, “It’s too cold for this. It was a horrible idea. Let’s ride back in.”

“Agreed,” said Merlin. “Gwaine never thought you’d go for it, he said. We both had a good laugh.”

When they returned from their ride, Arthur made it clear under no uncertain terms was he to be interrupted that evening. Then he and Merlin made their way to his chambers where they watched from the window to see Gwaine walking across the courtyard.

“There he is,” said Merlin and Arthur lit the candle and set it in the windowsill.

Gwaine glanced up and saw the light. Arthur took Merlin’s hand, knowing the three dinners at his table would be well-enjoyed tonight.


End file.
